Welcome to the Year of Living Dangerously

So it's 2019, Christmas has been and gone, I'm a little less younger than I was, the dog has had puppies, the children are asleep and the wine and chocolate are all gone......although I'm sure my Wife is hording some bars in her bag!!!!

As it's quiet, I thought I'd write by the dying glow of the fire and the twinkling from the tree, but where to begin...

It seems only proper that before we begin this journey we should have formal introductions.  I'm married to a feisty, challenging and incredible woman, whom I feel so lucky to wake up next to each day.  I have three children, one just in her teens, the youngest on the verge of becoming a toddler and the last somewhere in between.  They are, beyond a doubt, without question, indisputably my world, as I'd hope any parent would say of their children... it's a shame, I was going to say 'I'm sure', but sadly, I know that's not true.  I just know, that if the building was burning down, it's the kids I would save first, the wife would have to fend for herself...it's OK, I know she feels the same way!

The amazing thing about my kids, apart from the fact, that somehow they managed to be my kids, is that each day they teach me something new, they force me to question and evaluate, they motivate me to be better, to be more than who I am.  They force me, with their smiles, or laughter, or a flick of their hair, to face my failings and fight the good fight, so they can say they are as proud of me as I am of them.  And boy, it's a real fight sometimes!!
 
Now I know they're not perfect, they are wonderful, but I wouldn't want them to be perfect.
Their are also currently five dogs and a cat in my household, approximately 50%-40% of the time, my Mum stays with us as well.  Interesting how I've listed my Mum along with the pets!  A cigar is sometimes a cigar, sometimes it's a Freudian slip!

There's also a strong possibility, that my niece may be coming too live with us, she's having real problems at home.  As my wife says, 'we must help if we can', and well we can.  And when it feels like we live in a society where it is easier to say no than it is to say yes, where the focus seems to be not on what we can do for others, but on what others can do for us, it's time to herald the banner, let loose the dogs of war and shout 'YES'.

I'm an ex-smoker, which is proving to be really hard, but I'm sticking at it.  I was promised a PS4 if I survived giving up,  it's yet to materialize.  I am told I can go and buy one, but I can't help feeling that I've been conned a little, while the agreement was I could have one, nothing was agreed that I could actually play the console once it was home......

I'm overweight, I like food, enough said.

I'm really struggling with my job, it's failing me and in turn I must be failing it, which then brings forth all kinds of questions and fears.  I also have some issues with the management there which doesn't help.

So, that's just a brief hello, life here is often chaotic, sometimes very difficult and we forget to smile, sometimes very silly and loving and warm like a big soft embrace.  It's never dull, it's Mediterranean, with a touch of Never Never Land.

These are just some of the parts of me, but not the sum.  I'm not really sure of what the sum is, only that it's forever changing it's course, sometimes wild, sometimes tame, like a giant meandering river.  And tragically this is a river I feel I have not swam in enough.  I don't feel authentic, there are parts of me, that don't feel real or genuine.  But for now the fire has died and I need to go to bed or risk the wrath of my wife, so stay tuned for the next exciting installment.  Will he fall perilously to his doom like Icarus when he tried to touch the sun, or will he soar like Pegasus into the heavens.